


Army of Two

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: I'm bad at tags bye, M/M, Steve wants to hold Bucky's hand, bucky won't let him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 23:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1705745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, the five times Steve wanted to hold Bucky's hand, and the one time Bucky let him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Army of Two

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first ever fanfiction for this "fandom", if you will. Now I'm not too knowledgable on how this works so I just went with what I thought was okay. This is probably really bad. Many apologies.

1941:

"Don't worry, Steve, everything's gonna be fine. It's just a movie." Bucky tries to reassure a visibly nervous Steve as they make their way to the theater. Steve scoffs, looking up at his friend.

"Buck, it's called Dressed To Kill, there's gonna be some scary stuff in there and I don't know if I wanna see it." Steve protests, slowing his walk. Bucky sighs and turns to him.

"And you wanna join the military." 

Steve rolls his eyes. "That's different."

"Not really." Bucky says with a smile. "There's murder in the movie, and there's lots of it out in the battlefield." He ruffles Steve's hair, and laughs when Steve smacks his hand away, pouting.

"Shut up." He snaps, following Bucky into the theater. Bucky buys their tickets and they walk into the dimly lit movie. People are scattered all around, but Bucky manages to find two seats next to each other with nobody around. The two sit next to each other.

Steve looks up when he hears a girls laugh, and when he sees a beautiful sandy blonde girl sit in the seat in front of him, his heart picks up pace. He leans in close to Bucky's ear. "Hey Buck, you see that girl in front of me?" He whispers. Bucky leans foreword to look, then nods and grins.

"Ah, she's a beauty." He whispers back, eyeing her carefully. Steve gains a hopeful smile. 

"You think she'd like me?" He asks, looking at Bucky. Bucky smiles and shrugs.

"Maybe, pal. But worry about it after the movie." He points to the screen as the lights dim. "The movies about to start." Steve sighs a little and nods, turning his attention to the movie. About halfway through, one scene intensifies quite dramatically, and Steve can feel fear bloom inside his chest. He wonders if Bucky is scared at all, and wishes he had something to hold onto, anything, just to relieve some of the tension he has building up inside him.

The scene climaxes, and there are a few gasps in the crowd, and Steve instinctively grasps Bucky's hand tightly. Bucky scoffs.

"Come on, Steve." He murmurs, pulling his hand back. "Don't do that. People'll think we're queer or something..." His voice holds a bit of what seems like disdain at the thought of he and Steve holding hands, but Steve doesn't let him faze him any and he mumbles and apology and turns back to the movie, gripping the arm rests.

The movie ends soon enough, and as everyone prepares to go, he looks at Bucky. "Hey, I'm sorry about er, the hand thing." He says. "Just got a little scared is all." Bucky smiles and shrugs, throwing his arm around Steve's neck and pulling him close.

"Don't worry about it." He says as he leads them out. "I knew you'd get scared." He grins and winks when Steve looks up at him, and Steve shoves him playfully. 

"Jerk. You did this so I'd make a fool of myself?"

"Nah, not at all!" Bucky laughs as Steve scowls at him. Steve's attention is quickly averted when the blonde girl passes him. As she walks away, he catches a hint of her perfume, a fruity sort of flowery scent he finds amazing.

"Hold on, Buck." He says, holding out his hand. He jogs up to the girl and taps her shoulder, a hopeful smile on his face. "Hi, uh, I'm Steve."

The girl turns and looks him up and down, raising an eyebrow. After a moment of taking in his looks, she smiles sweetly.  
"And I'm gone." She says, laughing as she walks away. Steve watches in disbelief, shattered. He looks down angrily, not moving. Bucky, having watched the whole scene, sighs and walks over to him. He pats his shoulder and grips it, making the smaller man walk with him.

"She wasn't that cute anyways." Bucky says, nudging Steve. Steve sighs.

He wishes he had a hand to hold.

 

Bucky laughs as he grips Steve's arm, pulling him through the thick crowd of afternoon traffic. Steve tries to keep Bucky in sight, even though Bucky has a firm hold on him. He doesn't want to lose his friend.

"Bucky slow down!" Steve shouts, gently pulling Bucky back. Bucky shakes his head. 

"But we gotta get to the bar! I set us up with a couple girls. The one you've got is a doll, you'll love her." He insists. Steve finally catches up to Bucky, pulling his arm back. 

"Yeah, but she won't love me." He says. Bucky sighs and shakes his head, walking a little quicker.

"Have some optimism, Steve! The glass is half full!" Bucky exclaims with a huge smile on his face. Steve groans, trying to keep up with Bucky as he gets shoved back.

"Bucky come on, wait for me." He says before getting knocked into by a guy way bigger than him. The guy stops him, gripping his shoulders tightly, angry.

"You wanna go, little man?" The guy says with a sneer. Steve quickly shakes his head.

"I'm just trying to walk with my friend he-" Steve goes to gesture to Bucky when he realizes Bucky is nowhere in sight. 

"Oh, your friend?" The guy snarls. "Stay the hell out of my way!" He pushes past Steve angrily, nearly knocking him over. Steve manages to catch his balance before bumping into Bucky, who came back for him.

"Get lost?" He asks, holding onto Steve's arm again. He starts walking again, listening as Steve sighs.

"No. I just lost you, that's all." He says, shrugging. He looks at Bucky's hand on his arm, then blinks, looking away as Bucky moves his hand slowly down Steve's arm idly until it reaches his wrist.

"Well you aren't losing me again. Okay? I won't let it happen." Bucky assures Steve. Steve gulps, hesitantly taking Bucky's hand; he has to be absolutely sure he won't lose Bucky again. Bucky yanks his hand back in surprise. "Steve! You aren't gonna get lost again, no need to do that, okay?" Steve shrinks back a little, nodding.

"Sorry. Are we there yet?" He asks, keeping up pace with Bucky pretty well. Bucky nods a little, pointing to a door a few feet away.

"It's there, and-" he grins when he sees a couple girls waiting outside. The first girl, who's wearing a pale pink dress with her dark hair in a bun, looks at her watch, and her red lips turn down, looking around. She murmurs something to her friend, a girl in a short pastel yellow dress, who seems uninterested in anything she's there for. She says something back, then looks around, spotting Bucky. Her eyes light up and she grabs her friends arm.

"Bucky!" She exclaims, she and her friend dashing over. "We were wondering if you were ever gonna show!" The girl in the pink glances at Steve.

"Is this your friend?" She asks, looking a little more than disappointed. Bucky nods and smiles.

"Steve here is great, really. Get to know him, you'll love him. You really will." His voice drops a little, his smile growing fond and loving. He pats Steve's shoulder and gestures towards the girl, and Steve hesitantly walks over to her.

"I'm Steve." He says nervously. The girl sighs.

"Rebecca." She says uninterestedly. Steve looks down, barely looking up when Bucky announces that he's paying for the first round of drinks. He wishes he were more like Bucky; strong, handsome, a soldier, the perfect man. He sighs and kicks a bit of dirt, following Bucky and the girls.

 

Steve doesn't know if five drinks is really a good idea, but who gives a shit? Definitely not him. He wants to get drunk. He wants to forget that no girl's gonna like him. He wants to feel nothing for a while. So he drinks, watching as Bucky schmoozes it up with the girls, happy, laughing, smiling, but never leaving Steve's side. Right now, Steve wishes he would. He can barely stand Bucky right now, both of the girls clinging onto him for dear life.

What is it girls see in Bucky that's so attractive? The fact he's a soldier is probably the biggest factor. Steve has to admit Bucky is really good looking, and if he were a girl, he'd definitely be attracted to him. He's got a pretty nice body, one he's seen a few times as a teenager when he and Bucky would travel to a more rural part of New York to go to a lake house Steve's aunt owned to go swimming.

He's got a nice face, beautiful eyes and- Steve catches himself staring at Bucky's hands. His drunk mind idly wonders how they would look close to him, how they would look ON him. He bites his lip, looking at Bucky as he smiles and laughs, toasting with the girls. He thinks that maybe Bucky's hands are soft, and wow, does he want to feel them now.

Steve leans close to Bucky. "Buck. Hey, Bucky." He whispers, putting his hand in Bucky's thigh. Bucky doesn't protest, instead he looks at Steve suggestively.

"Hm?" He hums, not taking his eyes off Steve. Steve shifts in his seat.

"I'm getting tired, I uh...I wanna go home." He murmurs quietly. Bucky nods and stands up, helping his friend. He doesn't worry about what Steve's doing; he's just drunk, he might as well go along with it.

"Sorry to cut this night short ladies, but I gotta get this lightweight home." He smiles and winks at Steve, who scowls at him. He then gives a more dashing smile to the girls and waves goodbye before helping Steve walk out. He's glad the girls didn't protest; Steve is his main priority most of the time, and he usually comes first. "You're drunk."

"No shit."

"What's up with you grabbing me lately, Steve? It's all hands with you."

"I think you have nice hands is all." 

Bucky rolls his eyes. "Sure I do, pal. Let's just get you home."

 

Steve and Bucky sit on the floor, mugs of coffee in their hands. It's their last night together before Bucky's shipped off, and Steve isn't very keen on the idea of Bucky leaving him. Little does he know, Bucky's breaking on the inside, petrified of leaving Steve alone with no one to look out for him. They've been...closer...since the night Bucky took Steve home drunk off his ass, so it makes the separation just a little more painful. 

"I would go with you." Steve mumbles. Bucky sighs and sets his mug down, turning to face Steve.

"Steve, you've already tried five times, you're gonna get caught sooner or later so there's no use. I'll be fine. I'll come home in a few years and everything will be okay. Don't worry." He gives Steve a fond smile, his eyes betraying no sadness or hurt, but reassurance. "I promise." He whispers.

Steve smiles a little, looking up. He gently reaches over to hold Bucky's hand, a reassurance of his own that he'll be waiting for Bucky right here at home, but Bucky looks down, shaking his head slowly and pulling back his hand. 

"Steve," Bucky winces a little. "No. It's fine. I'll be fine." Steve shrinks back, a little hurt, but he nods anyways. 

"Promise?" He asks, looking into Bucky's stunning blue eyes. Bucky nods and smiles.

"I promise."

But only months later, Steve and Bucky are reunited. Destroying Hydra together, Steve can't really be happier than he is at his best friends side. But if course his immense joy is short lived.

Steve can't believe his eyes as he watches Bucky fall. His heart shattering into a million minuscule pieces, he tries his best not to let go and follow him down. He feels tears sting in his eyes, his vision going blurry with each blink. Bucky's screams echo throughout the cold snow ridden chasm, and the last thing Steve hears before it goes silent is his name, barely audible. 

He wishes that he got to hold Bucky's hand. Just once.

 

 

2014:

 

"The Winter Soldier...is your best friend?" Natasha asks as she looks at the man who looks completely different from the Bucky Steve knew through the two way mirror in the interrogation room. Steve nods.

"I know it's him. We've established this like three times already." He snaps. Natasha rolls her eyes, folding her arms across her chest, looking back at Bucky.

"So he still doesn't know who he is?" She asks, easing back away from the mirror when Bucky seems to look directly at her with his empty blue eyed gaze. 

"No, not really. It was good me and Sam found him when he did, someone could've caught him with that arm of his." Steve murmurs. Natasha and Steve both turn their attention to Fury walking into the interrogation room, sitting across from Bucky, who stares at him coldly. Steve watches as Fury starts questioning Bucky, wincing when Bucky looks angry at a question Fury asked, and running forward to press his hands against the glass when Bucky stands up, starting to yell. 

He wishes he could hear what was going on, and he watches guards come in and pin Bucky down. Bucky glares at them both as he sits, clenching his fists. Fury sits unfazed, looking Bucky in the eye. Steve manages to read Fury's lips when he utters the three words that make Bucky go crazy: 

"Who are you?"

 

Bucky sits alone in his room, staring at his hands. Who is he? Who is he, really? As far as he knows he's just the Winter Soldier, the man everyone hates. Thinking about it, he can understand why everyone hates him. Especially Natasha. Bucky closes his eyes. Especially Steve.

He lays back on his bed, trying to remember some things and forget others. He wants to forget all the people he killed, the wrongdoings he's done, and that fucking HYDRA operative. He wants to remember what his life was like before he was the infamous Winter Soldier, to remember who Captain America is.

"Who the hell is Bucky?" He recalls himself saying. He realizes no of course that /he/ is Bucky, but oddly enough he can't seem to accept that. Is he Bucky, or the Winter Soldier?

His head begins to pound. He sits up, rubbing his temples, annoyed. He looks up when there's a knock at the door. His body goes tense, not knowing who's there.

"Um. Yeah?" He says, cautious, his hands clenching into fists warily. He's barely relieved when Steve walks in. A familiar face at least, not some weird technician or doctor.

"Hey Bucky." He murmurs, a small smile on his face. He closes the door, leaning against the wall across from Bucky. Bucky just stares at him.

"What do you want?" He mumbles. Steve shrugs a little.

"To talk to my friend." He says. "To see how you are. We are friends right?" Steve asks, getting a little more comfortable as he sits on the floor. Bucky's jaw tightens, his stare growing hostile.

"I don't know. I tried, but I don't know." He snaps, feeling a little bad when Steve cringes. He tries desperately to place his face and name with anything in the memories Hydra decided to leave him with. Unfortunately he remembers nothing except for the fact he's supposed to kill him. 

"That's okay. We'll get there." Steve holds a hopeful smile. Bucky looks at him, his face betraying how hard he's trying to remember Steve. 

"I just...you're there, somewhere. I just don't know where." He murmurs, wincing. "On the helicarrier, before we went into the water...I knew in that moment that-"

"Bucky, it's-"

"Look, I knew for a moment that you weren't the bad guy, or evil or any of that, I knew you were my friend." He pauses, looking down. "I knew you. At least I thought I did."

"The doctors here at SHIELD," Steve says after a moment of strained silence. "They think they might know a way to uh, find your memories some how, like recovering lost file from a computer. To give them back. They wanted me to talk to you about it because you at least know my face."

Bucky pauses, looking at his hands. "They might be able to find my memory?" He asks in a hushed whisper. "I might find out who I was? Who I am?" 

Steve nods. "Maybe. It'll take a long time, maybe even multiple procedures, but if they've got it, then it won't take too long." He says. He looks up at Bucky, who's staring at him. "Do you want to try?" 

Bucky stares at him for a moment before giving a slight nod.

 

Natasha sits with Steve as he wavers on the edge of awake and asleep. She gently pats his back, waiting for someone to come out and tell Steve if it worked or not. Steve hasn't seen Bucky in days, and it's killing him not knowing if his friend is okay it not. Natasha could tell it was wearing Steve down, and she's glad it's almost over. Steve closes his eyes what seems like for good until Natasha shoves him as a doctor walks in. 

"Rogers?" He says, and Steve sits straight up, rubbing his eyes. 

"Yeah? Yeah that's me." He says between a yawn. The doctor looks at him, folding his hands in front of him.

"Well er, we did manage to find and recover most if it, but there will be a few rough patches. It was incredibly difficult as Hydra had almost completely wiped him of everything. Luckily, we were able to recover the things they wiped with the few things they were stupid enough to leave behind, feelings, a few memories of his old self, things of that sort, and stitch them together with things he knows now into one big memory quilt if you will. He won't be totally clear on some things, but for the most part he should be fine. We did not however manage to take away the memories of him as the Winter Soldier. Unfortunately, he'll still remember all that. For now, give him time, that's the best thing you could possibly do. He should awake in the next few days. Until then, just wait." The doctor explains, a very tired Steve barely comprehending.

"So..." He starts groggily. "I'll have my best friend back?" He asks cautiously, not sure if he heard right. The doctor smiles.

"Yes, you will." 

 

Steve is the first thing Bucky sees when he wakes up a day later, and Bucky is glad it's him and not anyone else. When Bucky realizes that he knows Steve, knows who he is and what he is to him, he's elated.

"Steve?" He tries saying. His voice hoarse, he tries to talk louder. "Steve!" Steve sits straight up from his bent over position, as he had fallen asleep. 

"Bucky?" He asks, looking at him. Bucky smiles a little, the first smile Steve has seen from him since 1941. He nods. 

"I'm back. It...it worked. I think." His brow furrows in thought. "My head hurts."

"Yeah, I'm sure it does. Just take it easy, okay? Don't strain yourself. The doctor said to give it some time." Steve says. "If it worked, then we'll know for sure in a few days." 

"Steve, I don't want to know in a few days." Bucky says sternly, closing his eyes. "I need to...damnit." He presses his real hand to his head, wincing at the sudden headache. "I'm sorry for everything, Steve. That's what I want to say. For hurting all those people who didn't do anything. And for hurting you." 

Steve just sits there. "You don't need to apologise, you didn't know any better. You were just doing what you were told."

"I nearly killed you, Steve!" Bucky shouts angrily. He grits his teeth, struggling with his growing headache. "I took a vow to myself- shit."

"Bucky, calm down, you're gonna end up hurting yourself. It's all okay. I'm fine, see?" He steps back, opening his arm to display himself, to show that he is in fact okay. "I'm good. I'm still here." A wide smile on his face, he doesn't notice that Bucky's eyes are watering. He sighs, his smile quickly disappearing, sitting at Bucky's feet on his bed. 

"I told myself I would never ever hurt you. I promised. They decided to give back every ounce of feelings I had for you, every promise I made and ever vow I took and every word I said to you. They said you might be lost forever, that I might never remember you but I do, Steve. I remember everything." Bucky says, his voice choked. "And what's worse is they made me remember how much I-" he stops himself, wiping his eyes with his real hand. 

"Bucky, I swear it's fine." Steve says, putting his hand on Bucky's leg gingerly. "Just calm down, get some rest."

"I'm not getting any fucking rest!" Bucky shouts, and Steve jumps back a little, shocked at his tone. "I. Feel. Terrible." He says through his teeth.

"Buck..." Steve says quietly, watching as Bucky holds his head in pain. "Look, I don't know how it feels to have gone through everything you did, but I'm here for you now, and I want to help you through this." Steve smiles fondly as Bucky looks at him, his lower lip trembling. "Just like you said to me," he starts. 

"Steve, I-" Bucky sits up a little more.

"I'm with you 'till the end of the line. Just like you were for me." He says quietly. Bucky quickly pulls Steve into a hug, careful of his own metal arm. Steve hugs back with no hesitation, and more than anything he's just glad to have Bucky back, metal arm, painful memories, and all.

 

Steve sits opposite of Bucky on his bed, playing with the sheets. It's been nearly three weeks since Bucky's had his memories back, and they haven't gone yet so everyone thinks that he should be fine. Bucky isn't so sure he wants to be fine. He shoves those thoughts down daily, only really wanting to spend time with Steve.

"You've been quiet." Bucky murmurs, laying his hands in his lap. Steve shrugs a little. 

"Just thinking, I guess." He responds. "About a lot of things." 

"Like what?" 

Steve smiles, looking at Bucky. "You remember uh, way back when before you got shipped out?" 

Bucky smiles a little. "You mean before you were Captain America?" They both chuckle quietly. Steve nods.

"Sure, before I was captain America. Do you remember that last night we had together?" He asks, looking at Bucky hopefully. Bucky sits for a second, rummaging through his damaged mind for any hint.

"We were sat on the floor, right?" He asks, looking up at Steve for confirmation. Steve nods. "And we were uh, downing that bottle of Scotch I was saving for the specialist occasion."

"Yeah, yeah we were." Steve says with a bright smile. Bucky smiles softly, amazed he can still remember that.

"And you...you held my hand." Bucky's smile is gone, and he's looking down at his lap. "I never wanted to tell you this but um..." Bucky takes a deep breath, not sure he wants to say anything. Steve looks at him with a patient gaze. Bucky finally decides that now is a good a time as any to tell Steve how he feels. "There's absolutely nothing I could've wanted more that night then to just hold you." 

Steve sits up straight, slightly shocked. "What?" Bucky shakes his head, exhaling.

"Steve, I'm-" He can't form the words. His heart is racing, his head spinning, and suddenly he can't bring himself to tell Steve. "I'm..." He looks down, dejected. He holds his face in his hands, trembling.

Steve gently takes Bucky's hands away from his face, holding them tight. "In love with me?" He asks, leaning in questioningly. Bucky, for once, does not take his hands away. Instead, he holds them tighter.

"Yeah." He mouths, looking at Steve, fear in his eyes. Steve takes this in, never letting go of Bucky's hands. He brings Bucky's hands to his lips and kisses each one softly.

"Well," he starts quietly, looking back at Bucky. "James Buchanan Barnes, I'm in love with you too."


End file.
